Day 44, an honest poem.

An honest thought is a scary thought. I have blog friends that seem to be as honest as crystal mountain air. So honest it's deceiving. Down here in the humid stickiness of the south, honesty sticks to your back, like a silk shirt in a summer heat wave. We like honesty, but in little, proper doses. The why is complicated. It's a tiny bit of protecting your image and pride but a larger part of it is this, you pity someone that is having a bad day. There must be something wrong for something to go wrong. If you're in a bad mood or sad something must be off balance. So I don't say a lot, maybe express some frustration with the kids or the telephone company but I stop there. And that is okay but I thought, how about a poem about something honest, real, hard to admit? How about it? and no pity, I have a pretty great life, healthy kids, a good husband, nothing to pity at all. :)

Just Enough

it's the laundry
and the dishes
and bedtime, Oh sweet mercy,
bedtime! The husband needs you,
the kids need you, and you need you.
and you are so ever tired, weary,
irritable. On a good day
you wear a smile over your fatigue
and it feels like your grandmother's
lipstick, too dry, too bright, too thick.

the worst of it is the remorse.
wishing you had worn a smile on
your heart and not your face. the way
curse words your too nice to utter
pulse inside your mouth, fighting to
be free in a weak moment.

and you hold it back, looking
for the redo button, waiting to go to sleep
so that you can have it all under
your control in the morning.
and you say your prayers, whispering faintly
to the stars, you do love it, you do,
all of it, you've promised to,
so you promise Him, your gratitude
your energies, your faithfulness,
tomorrow
and you feel the mercy
spilling over, just enough.
always, just enough.